Wednesday, September 01, 2004

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

I came to the realization today that, although the probability is small, it is theoretically possible that I could someday have a soldier in my platoon who reads or has read this website. Therefore I determined that this public advisory should be released for the safety of the general public.

Should you end up, through some cosmic tragedy, in my platoon, you should know this...
You will be crushed. From the moment you step off the bus until I finally get rid of you 9 weeks later, I will hold your writhing, struggling soul beneath the sharp edge of my thumbnail until I see fit to release you into the wild again. That is nothing special... that is the standard for all soldiers in my platoon. If you give me some reason to notice your existence, other than some type of outstanding performance, I will be forced to unleash the nuclearosity on you. (Believe it or not, I didn't make up that word, an old friend of mine did... I wish I had though.)

Your best bet would be to avoid me entirely, but since you will have no choice in the matter, you should at all costs avoid speaking, eye contact, breathing loudly, or twitching any muscles (not designated for twitching by me) in my presence until you are safely on the bus going through the gate towards AIT. Then, if you feel brave, and think you have enough of a head start that I won't catch you, feel free to shout over your shoulder that you read this site. My work schedule will most likely prevent me from spending much time trying to hunt you down and destroy you.

There...

Future soldiers take heed of this warning and we should have no problems. (Do you think I made it clear enough lol?)

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home