Friday, March 25, 2005

Bear attack...

“Wake up! Why are you sleeping on guard while your buddies think you’re watching your sector? You’re gonna get someone killed Private!”

“But Drill Sergeant… I wasn’t…I didn’t go to sleep, I…”

(Private wilts visibly as I give him ‘the look’. You know… that ‘You should know better by now but I can tell that you’re gonna go ahead and embarrass yourself anyway if I let you’ look.

“Soldier… have you ever been attacked by a bear?”

Soldier gets a wary expression on his face. He knows that something bad is coming, but doesn’t understand where I’m going with this yet.

“No Drill Sergeant”

“Do you know anyone who has ever been attacked by a bear?”

“No Drill Sergeant”

“Do you know what you should do if you ARE attacked by a bear?”

“Um”

“Think hard Private”

“Play um… play dead Drill Sergeant?”

“That’s brilliant soldier… because you know you’re not gonna kick that bear’s ass, don’t you Private?”

Um… yes Drill Ser… I mean No Drill Sergeant… yes I know I’m not… Drill Sergeant.”

“You are gonna lay there and play dead while he chews on your ass for a little while… hoping that he will eventually get bored and decide to leave without actually eating you, right Private?”

“Yes Drill Sergeant”

“So tell me, Private, have you ever won an argument with a Drill Sergeant? Have you ever said something along the lines of ‘I wasn’t sleeping Drill Sergeant, I was just resting my head on my weapon and lying in the prone position with my eyes closed’ and had that Drill Sergeant say ‘OK Private… that’s fine, carry on’ And walk away?”

(Private has figured out where I was going with this)

“No Drill Sergeant”

“Then why, oh why, don’t you just shut your piehole and say ‘Yes Drill Sergeant’ and resolve to stay awake, no matter how sleepy you get, so we can all get on with our lives?

(Ummm... because I'm a moron? lol)

-----------------------------------------

Actually, I'm pretty happy with this bunch of Soldiers. We've shed most of the dead weight at this point in the cycle. We lost a few to injury and illness that I wish we had kept, but the ones who are here now are probably some of the best trained Soldiers I've ever had. They can actually run a little bit too.

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