Friday, June 17, 2005

Ohh the humanity...

sick bastards.

I suspect a worldwide plot involving all branches and sects of this nefarious organization. Behind their annoying, space cadet, uber-hippie, do-gooder facade lurks a sinister purpose. The retriever your parents told you ran away when you were 13? Kidnapped and tortured by PETA. Your hamster that disappeared? Abducted by PETA. Jake the snake? (sobbing) Possibly being tortured by PETA this very instant.

(Using the same definition of torture used by Democrat Senator Durbin from IL, this could be almost anything. I torture people all the time. Anytime we go train in the outdoors for weeks at a time in the winter... we are being tortured... because it's cold. When one of my Joes in the barracks plays his music too loud, he isn't annoying or inconsiderate... he's a WAR CRIMINAL. One time about 2 years ago we had a bunch of soldiers get sick from something in the chow hall. One of them was running the next morning and pooped his pants. TORTURE!!! Anyway... I'm getting off topic...)

Ok well... enough making fun of PETA. I'm going to go have a big FAT DIP OF COPENHAGEN!


OK... no I won't. I'm just gonna go sit on the edge of the bed and stare at the wall wishing that I had a BIG FAT DIP OF COPENHAGEN!!!!!

(clenches and unclenches fists several times.... sound of teeth grinding... )

I'm going to go sign up for some Muay Thai classes today... did I mention that?

Have a great tobacco free day. Especially all you people who have never quit and couldn't possibly understand the agony.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I'm having a Godzilla attack. If it weren't for the social and cultural expectations placed on me by the modern world, I would be stomping all over cars and clawing skyscrapers apart with my bare hands right now.

Oh yeah... I'd have to be really big too.

I'm quitting tobacco. I've been dipping Copenhagen for about ten years, and smoked for about 6 before that. It's only been about 20 hours. This is going to get soooo much worse.

My intention is to document this entire process and accomplish two things. First, I will create some accountability by letting people know that I'm trying to quit. If I kept it to myself, I think it would be easier to just start up again and nobody would be the wiser.

Second, I want to go back later and read what it was like. Maybe I'll put it all together and write an article or essay afterward.

Most of the stuff I write about it will probably not be on the blog though. I'm not exactly in my right mind right now and want to let it ripen before I put anything big out there.

Wish me luck... the suckage is about to get outrageous.


(story developing... more to follow)